Reciprocity: The Foundation of Our Happiness

The trade of consideration is scarce these days.... so how do we make good decisions about who to trust with our most coveted asset, our consideration? And furthermore, how can we ensure that the return of our consideration will continue to make/keep us happy? (YOU CAN SCROLL DOWN TO THE "SKIP" MARKER IF YOU ARE A LAZY READER...)
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These two questions were asked last time… and I must now be honest with you all… these are technically “trick questions”… there is no single resolute answer, but you knew that. Whenever discussing our decision making process when it comes to trusting others or having faith that something good will come our decisions, the criteria for an acceptable result is all dependent on the person in question.What makes me happy doesn’t necessarily make you happy.The reasons why I find somebody/something trustworthy may be different than yours.The reason for this is because we are individuals and we have our own unique life experiences that grant us our own perceptions of the…

Status Quo – noun, Latin
The current state of things

The Status Quo is basically the world as it is right now. The issue with defining the Status Quo is that everybody has their own perceptions as to what is really going on. In the philosophical sense, perception is reality. Thus if there are multiple perceptions, couldn’t that mean there is a multiplicity of realities in the Status Quo?

Think about it… have you ever analyzed somebody and ended up telling yourself that they were “in their own world”… They actually might be… which would make it impossible to give “good” advice to each other as to how we should change our Status Quo’s, but what we can do is decide whether our Status Quo is acceptable or not.

Status Quo Bias – noun, Latin
A bias towards maintaining the current state of things

Why did it take so long to elect a Black President? Why are we stuck with the BCS when the majority of College Football Fans want a playoff? Why does our nation refuse to move towards social reform and welfare programs (i.e. Universal Health Care…) when we are in the position to help others?

It’s because (as discussed before) we are an egocentric species and we (as a whole) have a general Status Quo Bias.A specific Status Quo Bias is simply the desire to maintain your individual reality… undoubtedly if you fall in this group you ACCEPT your Status Quo.Individuals with a Status Quo Bias are known as conservative decision makers and are also said to be afraid of change. If this fear is indeed present, these individuals tend to blur the lines of distinctions between their reality and others’… in other words: they don’t want your Status Quo to change either in fear that it will affect their reality. The most concrete example of this in “our Status Quo” would be the controversial debate and fight for homosexual rights to marriage.

This becomes an obstacle for individuals who are attempting to REJECT their Status Quo. Now this is where we get back on track and address the question at the top.

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(SKIP HERE IF YOU ARE A LAZY READER!!!)
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In order to trust somebody/something new, they must first be introduced into your perceptions and into your reality.The first step to deciding if this new entity is trustworthy is to determine whether to ACCEPT or REJECT your Status Quo.*** Now it is very important to point out that trust isn’t given or considered without a justification… Whenever we decide to trust something/someone new it is usually based on satisfying our NEEDS.There is usually no grey area here… if there is no need for the new asset, then you may consider it, but you won’t necessarily trust it.***

Accepting the Status Quo doesn’t mean to not consider any possible change, it just means to be satisfied in the event that nothing changes… but of course, to have a Status Quo Bias means to be actively opposed to considering possible changes.

Rejecting the Status Quo doesn’t mean to not consider the current state of things as a positive concept. What it does mean is to consider what changes would lead you to better accept the Status Quo. In making these considerations, we must also consider our (egocentric) selves; after all it is our own realities that we are trying to enhance. Before we are willing to trust change, we have to determine under which circumstances we would be willing to accept it…

Quid Pro Quo – Latin
“Something for something”

As explained in the last note, when our considerations aren’t returned it is called a sunk cost. Before you get to the point where you are that invested, you should always evaluate what your potential gain is compared to your potential loss; tit for tat… this for that… what will you get for your considerations?

Outside of the Latin world, we refer to this as…

Reciprocity – noun
mutual exchange of commercial or other privileges

Notice that the definition doesn’t say the “even exchange”; it only has to be mutually agreed upon.Reciprocity is the first step to accepting and trusting change because it assures both parties that they will receive something out of the deal.

For me and my easily rejectable Status Quo, reciprocity serves as an invitation to a new reality… one where I don’t have to simply consider myself because somebody else is willing to consider me too.And remember, this type of generous thoughtfulness isn’t to be shrugged off… for as long as they are considering you, they are NOT considering themselves. It’s my theory that reciprocity is the foundation for trust and thus happiness…

However, trust cannot be developed without a further investment of our consideration… more on that next time.