The Investment of Our Consideration - Life's Gamble

It’s my theory that reciprocity is the foundation for trust and thus happiness…However, trust cannot be developed without a further investment of our consideration.

Investing is a funny concept. In order to understand it you must look at the reason people do it.

invest (v.) -
1. To spend or devote for future advantage or benefit
2. To devote morally or psychologically, as to a purpose; commit

Investing is meant to produce a larger return. You put something in, and hopefully (if it was a good investing decision) you pull out more than you originally committed. In the financial market these returns are a result of either favorable interest rates (that increase the value of your consideration over time), profitable dividends (that pay you back in consideration periodically), or from a price (value) increase of the investment in question that allow you to sell it for more than it was originally worth.

The investment of consideration is no different... we've discussed time and honesty... I think it's time we discuss the consideration of energy...

energy (n.)
1. Exertion of vigor or power
2. Vitality and intensity of expression

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SKIP TO THE SKIP MARKER IF YOU ARE NOT A SCIENCE PERSON
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Energy, as a scientific term, is what allows all matter to exist. Everything has some type of energy - potential, kinetic, radiant, radioactive. This energy is used to affect the state and space of other matter, however it is never dispensed. The Conservation of Energy Principle (an accepted fact in physics and chemistry) states that energy is neither created nor destroyed, but rather it changes its characteristics. So if you're running, and you stop, your energy isn't lost, it is converted from kinetic (moving energy) into radiant (in the form of heat) and potential (because your energy can be converted to another form at your will). . . what ever energy you no longer have after the remainder is converted back to potential energy is the energy spent... if you factor that with how far you ran (distance), you have a component called WORK.

For the sake of understanding this term better, I will add a synonym to this definition: effort. Our energy/effort is seen as a form of our consideration towards others.

In terms of investing, we give our time and energy to others in hopes that we get it back. The truth is that once the energy is converted from potential to whatever you use it isn't destroyed, it is converted and subsequently lost... you don't get it back. This matches the theory from earlier that our consideration has no guarantee of reciprocation. Thus we must apply our energy towards things/people that we HOPE will get us a return on our investment. If not, at the end of the day we hope that we have at least accomplished achieved some form of WORK, in that we HOPE our energy got us somewhere new.
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SKIP TO HERE.... YUP, YOU ARE INTELLECTUALLY LAZY!
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We HOPE that our investment of time and energy would increase the value of our potential energy over time... however, in interpersonal relationships banks do not set our interest rates, interpersonal chemistry determines that. Interest (in itself a form of consideration) must be mutual between parties in order for its rate of increase to be favorable, otherwise you actually run the risk of a negative interest rate - becoming disinterested or turned off. By this time you have to decide if your time and energy spent is a sunk cost or just a part of the investing cycle where you might lose some before you gain some back. This is why the early stages of investing are always treated with a relaxed standard ... it is expected that favorable return will not come in the short-term (however sometimes it can).

We HOPE that our investment of time and energy would pay us in dividends... this is where reciprocity is achieved. In financial investing, an acceptable dividend is what ensures you do not sell your stock... in terms of consideration I guess the most recognizable example/synonym for dividend would be "gift". This gift is unsolicited, however it is often times expected. Most people don't go a long time in dealing with others without receiving some type of gift... Don't get me wrong, this isn't necessarily something that is of monetary value, usually the gift is an unexpected increase of consideration returned (i.e. a nice conversation, a favor, a compliment, etc.)... a nice gesture can go a long way in increasing one's trust/faith in their investments.

In financing, sometimes the dividends are never disbursed, but rather reinvested into the stock in hopes that it will increase its value... YUP... this is when the person you are investing consideration in is so busy that they are hoping to be more worth your consideration in the long run. They seem like they are worth your time and energy but you can never really know until you evaluate what they are worth to you. If they are legit, their busy-ness will result in them being successful in some right, and you will/should respect that considering you've waited for them to get there (and thus paid time consideration). But if they don't ever get right, and you don't see the dividends you want to see, and the interest rate is falling.... it might be time to sell your stock.

Like with any investment, unless you are just completely business minded, it is hard to let go of things that you placed value into, especially consideration value. You will never get the time, energy, effort, interest spent, etc. back... what you get in return for selling/dropping the person in question is the freedom of your consideration to be spent elsewhere.

This is where the financial aspect of the analogy fizzles, but you should get the point... in short...
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There is never a guarantee of return of consideration from others, thus any time you spend it, it is considered an investment. Our investments have to be monitored by us otherwise we don't know if it is working for us or against us... whether it's a good decision or a bad decision... whether you'll receive a return or mark it as a sunk cost. The point is to use your own standards to decide what it is to you. For some, they would prefer to not receive dividends/gifts at all, others want frequent dividends... Some want high interest rates, and some are so invested that they don't care what the value seems like to others, they just want to own the stock.

The only person who can decide if your consideration is well spent or not, is YOU... not your friends, your family, or your peers... because their realities/perceptions of the status quo are different than yours, remember? Ultimately what it requires is that you know and understand yourself in order to know what is good for you.... and when in doubt because you really don't know, rely on hope/faith that you are either right or will find the right path.

The consideration of hope next time...

Reciprocity: The Foundation of Our Happiness

The trade of consideration is scarce these days.... so how do we make good decisions about who to trust with our most coveted asset, our consideration? And furthermore, how can we ensure that the return of our consideration will continue to make/keep us happy? (YOU CAN SCROLL DOWN TO THE "SKIP" MARKER IF YOU ARE A LAZY READER...)
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These two questions were asked last time… and I must now be honest with you all… these are technically “trick questions”… there is no single resolute answer, but you knew that. Whenever discussing our decision making process when it comes to trusting others or having faith that something good will come our decisions, the criteria for an acceptable result is all dependent on the person in question.What makes me happy doesn’t necessarily make you happy.The reasons why I find somebody/something trustworthy may be different than yours.The reason for this is because we are individuals and we have our own unique life experiences that grant us our own perceptions of the…

Status Quo – noun, Latin
The current state of things

The Status Quo is basically the world as it is right now. The issue with defining the Status Quo is that everybody has their own perceptions as to what is really going on. In the philosophical sense, perception is reality. Thus if there are multiple perceptions, couldn’t that mean there is a multiplicity of realities in the Status Quo?

Think about it… have you ever analyzed somebody and ended up telling yourself that they were “in their own world”… They actually might be… which would make it impossible to give “good” advice to each other as to how we should change our Status Quo’s, but what we can do is decide whether our Status Quo is acceptable or not.

Status Quo Bias – noun, Latin
A bias towards maintaining the current state of things

Why did it take so long to elect a Black President? Why are we stuck with the BCS when the majority of College Football Fans want a playoff? Why does our nation refuse to move towards social reform and welfare programs (i.e. Universal Health Care…) when we are in the position to help others?

It’s because (as discussed before) we are an egocentric species and we (as a whole) have a general Status Quo Bias.A specific Status Quo Bias is simply the desire to maintain your individual reality… undoubtedly if you fall in this group you ACCEPT your Status Quo.Individuals with a Status Quo Bias are known as conservative decision makers and are also said to be afraid of change. If this fear is indeed present, these individuals tend to blur the lines of distinctions between their reality and others’… in other words: they don’t want your Status Quo to change either in fear that it will affect their reality. The most concrete example of this in “our Status Quo” would be the controversial debate and fight for homosexual rights to marriage.

This becomes an obstacle for individuals who are attempting to REJECT their Status Quo. Now this is where we get back on track and address the question at the top.

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(SKIP HERE IF YOU ARE A LAZY READER!!!)
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In order to trust somebody/something new, they must first be introduced into your perceptions and into your reality.The first step to deciding if this new entity is trustworthy is to determine whether to ACCEPT or REJECT your Status Quo.*** Now it is very important to point out that trust isn’t given or considered without a justification… Whenever we decide to trust something/someone new it is usually based on satisfying our NEEDS.There is usually no grey area here… if there is no need for the new asset, then you may consider it, but you won’t necessarily trust it.***

Accepting the Status Quo doesn’t mean to not consider any possible change, it just means to be satisfied in the event that nothing changes… but of course, to have a Status Quo Bias means to be actively opposed to considering possible changes.

Rejecting the Status Quo doesn’t mean to not consider the current state of things as a positive concept. What it does mean is to consider what changes would lead you to better accept the Status Quo. In making these considerations, we must also consider our (egocentric) selves; after all it is our own realities that we are trying to enhance. Before we are willing to trust change, we have to determine under which circumstances we would be willing to accept it…

Quid Pro Quo – Latin
“Something for something”

As explained in the last note, when our considerations aren’t returned it is called a sunk cost. Before you get to the point where you are that invested, you should always evaluate what your potential gain is compared to your potential loss; tit for tat… this for that… what will you get for your considerations?

Outside of the Latin world, we refer to this as…

Reciprocity – noun
mutual exchange of commercial or other privileges

Notice that the definition doesn’t say the “even exchange”; it only has to be mutually agreed upon.Reciprocity is the first step to accepting and trusting change because it assures both parties that they will receive something out of the deal.

For me and my easily rejectable Status Quo, reciprocity serves as an invitation to a new reality… one where I don’t have to simply consider myself because somebody else is willing to consider me too.And remember, this type of generous thoughtfulness isn’t to be shrugged off… for as long as they are considering you, they are NOT considering themselves. It’s my theory that reciprocity is the foundation for trust and thus happiness…

However, trust cannot be developed without a further investment of our consideration… more on that next time.

Consideration Accounting 101

If you missed the last blog about "happiness", essentially all you need to get from it is that "happiness" exists when things/people that make you happy are present. This break started with me being with the most important people outside of my family, transitioned into a week of pure isolation from everybody, and just recently I had the opportunity to reunite with a group of individuals that will continue to define this phase in my life. I had a great time... but it only lasted one day. Now I'm back to the drawing board, I must redefine what things/people will make me happy now that I fully understand that they're no here... undoubtedly I'm a bit uneasy at this point.

The reason for this is simple... Ownership. People love having things. Ownership implies comfort, convenience, satisfaction, and availability. Ownership provides security and thus a sense of stability. However, when those things we'd like to claim are not there, we are insecure because there is no guarantee that we can access, use, and thus be satisfied by the object of our happiness. That's because we view these objects as:

property - noun
something at the disposal of a person, a group of persons, or the community or public

Today I thought of an interesting analogy to discuss this, however I'm afraid that it may only be appealing to business major/minor people... but I'll keep the schooliness out of it as much as possible.

Property is at our disposal. It is ours to obtain, own, squander, give, trade, sell, buy, or even forget. But any piece of valuable property (such as cash) must and should be accounted for. Accountants have a (not so) simple system to do this... I'm going to make it very simple, so simple in fact I expect my accounting friends to scold me about this, lol.

Observation I:
In "accounting" (or more basically, "counting") we have "debits and credits", or more basically gains and losses. For every gain, there is a loss elsewhere, for example: you buy a shirt for $20, you debit (gain) one shirt valued at $20 and you credit (lose) cash valued at $20. Because of how this works, every transaction is said to "zero out" which means what you gain is always worth what you lose (theoretically).

Obersvation II:
The property that you own and can do with what you please today is called an "asset". Strangely in the world of accounting, assets also include things that are owed to you (that you may never actually own). This "account" is called a "receivable" because it is property that is expected to be gained... so we act like we already have it.

Observation III:
The property that you own but is owed to somebody else is called a "liability" because it is property that the owner is liable for until those assets are rendered to the "creditor" or gainer. As the "debtor" you are in debt and have an obligation to pay because the creditor has already counted the asset you own as something that they own (so technically you have it, but you know it's not yours).

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Isn't it funny how some if not most of our "happiness assets" are never really ours even though we account for them as if they were? Think about your relationships, friendships, your accomplishments, the recognition owed to you... they are owned by you and are thus assets.. but are they really "at your disposal"? Their value is more based on what you can "receive" from them in the future as opposed to their current worth. The truth about these types of assets are that they cannot be accounted for because they are not tangible, and they cannot be used to settle debts. This makes them invaluable (without standard comparative value) or priceless. Thus when we gain or lose them, the other side of the transaction usually involves an asset with similar characteristics: consideration. The reason why this transaction "zeroes out" is because "happiness assets" are all forms of consideration as well.

The problem with our calculation of these assets is the expectancy of our "receivables"... In the business world, companies will count their receivables as an asset knowing that some of those funds will never reach their accounts. They will eventually debit their receivables account for "bad credit debt" via a "write off" when they realize that they are not going to receive what they are owed... In the accounting of happiness, many individuals tend to forget that consideration transactions have no promise of return (much because there is no common standard for valuation). Thus because consideration is at "zero value" to begin with, a write off of bad debt doesn't change the budget of emotional frugality; when we realize we're not getting what we are owed, we become upset because of our own valuation standards and not because of that of others.

Example, you say? ok... A friend of yours is bored, you have other shit to do, but you volunteer your time to chill with them so that they don't have a bad day. You just credited your friendship "X" points of considertion and debited your time "X" points of consideration (which to you has actual value because you cannot get your time back). On your birthday, your friend doesn't come through... you are pissed because you feel that it's now their turn to give some time or some consideration, but any considearation you receive may or may not be of equal value to you because your friend may not think your consideration was that valuable... you are great at picking friends obviously...

Thus you acted accordingly... you counted your receivable consideration as owned, only to find out you weren't going to get it back. Unfortunately for us, it's easier said than done to "write off" our friends with "bad debt" because our consideration is spent and thus we already feel invested. In accounting they call this type of investment a "sunk cost" which means that the money is spent and the investment is depreciating in value (kinda like spending $2000 on a car that breaks next month *sad face*). What the accountants will tell you is that you should disregard financial options based on the fact that you spent this money, because the money and the correlating asset is already gone... in other words, don't make decisions based on a preserving a lost cause. In the end you could blame your friend for being inconsiderate, but it's just not logically sound because in the end you chose to value them with your consideration... the bad decision was really on you, not them.... the idea is to prevent any further waste of your consideration.

After analyzing all of this, I guess it really did make the most emotional frugal sense to base the valuation of my consideration on others' opinions, because at least then I could accurately predict what kind of consideration I would receive in return... however this is where the analogy starts to fizzle.. why? because people lie (and omit and euphemize)... and more often then not, they have bad debts.

It is apparent to me now what a recession really is... I feel as if I have been the credit card company with a few loyal billpayers and a bunch of people who will never grant me my "receivable" consideration. As any company would do I'm expecting to write them off for "bad debt", but beyond that, what do I do?

The trade of consideration is scarce these days.... so how do we make good decisions about who to trust with our most coveted asset, our consideration? And furthermore, how can we ensure that the return of our consideration will continue to make/keep us happy?

Comment Please...

(Un)Happy New Year???

*******THIS IS A POST IN I MADE IN THE MOST RECENT SERIES THAT WAS WRITTEN DURING THE WINTER BREAK... THE WARRANTS STILL MAKE SENSE AT ANYTIME OF THE YEAR... ENJOY*******

"You might as well have fun, 'cause your happiness is done and your goose is cooked."

It's times like this... that I'm thankful for true friends. I understand that they cannot all be there when you call, and they may not have the answers... but true friends will look after you and try to get you headed in the right direction. Even if it's only one person today, I'm happy to know I matter to somebody.

I'm sitting at work, thinking about how over "time" days that were supposed to be meaningful have grown to be more and more... well less. Easters, Christmases, New Years, Birthdays... they mattered less to others, and in turn mattered less to me. At this point, the thought of receiving a gift is farfetched... I'd be surprised if I could pay people to care about me on these days. Yet... it's common to say "happy" or "merry" when mentioning these days as if it is assumed that everyone shares that emotion because of what day it is.

For the first time in my 22 year old life, I can say I know what it feels like to be alone on the holidays... it sucks... it's depressing.

"First rule in this thang, never let 'em see you sweat!
Never let 'em be a threat and your feelings you must protect 'em
As well as your rectum! Must keep self out of harm out of danger's way
Let strangers play while you graduate and move on!
True happiness is not acquired and you won't find it for sale
Unless you're in jail and trying to get a bail
bondsman to go on and post that bail
You would be happy as hell! You thought you was happy
until that court date came
Couldn't abort that case, nobody to take your place
Family home is at stake, too late to escape and get on the run!!"
-Big Boi, Verse One of "Unhappy" from Speakerboxxx

Happiness is temporary... it is an emotion, much like anger, that only lasts for the duration of the time the emotion itself is pondered. For as long as you have a reason to be happy, you will be happy. On the contrary, when you do not have a reason to be happy, where does your mind go? For me, I don't know why, but I've always wandered towards depression when I cannot say with conviction that "I am happy." Essentially happiness isn't the absence of depression, it's just the presence of something that elates me. Conversely, for me, depression IS the absence of happiness...

So if I need others to make me happy, and others aren't around... I'm not happy, and thus I am depressed. Now many of you may be reading this saying.... "really... Tony, depressed?"... or you may be thinking "that's strange/not cool... why would he share that?" This is me being honest with myself, and by letting the world read my thoughts, I now have to be accountable for them.... it continues...

"Once upon a rhyme, one time when I was a child (Flip that smile upside down now!)
When I found out that Santa Claus was nothing more than Vanilli
It was silly, 'cause my mom and pop they worked for every penny!
Didn't have many, but had enough to get by! Enough to get fly!
Only to start the New Year off in debt now you forget
Your happiness came and went
Like mom and dad's relationship, take a trip
You got the potato chips? I'll bring the hot sauce!!"
-Verse Two

Santa is a funny guy. We learn to trust that he will bring us a bounty of happiness every holiday season, only to find out that it's a hoax. I'm not sure what kind of moral this mode of story telling is supposed to convey... but if it taught me anything, it was that any convoy for "happiness" is as temporary as the emotion itself... you can't expect happiness to always be there for you.

I guess I've taken the feeling of happiness for granted... as well as the things that made me happy. Today I realized that those things truly weren't there. It was a shock to me... like realizing your roomate ate all of your favorite cereal, and left the box there for you to think you still had it... but when you open the box... *sad face*(TJ used to eat my Quaker Oh's all the time... moocher).

The absence of happiness set in today... I realized that I've been pretending I have reasons to smile, when in fact I don't... It hurt ya'll. This not to say that I have bad friends... my friends just have lives... when the closest people to you are all graduated, and you're still in school, it's never a happy feeling. We all came to this school to eventually leave... but because I'm still here, I feel that they left me. It's strange how I can have nearly 3000 facebook friends, and feel alone as often as I do... That's the only reason why I'm sharing this... if I of all people can be lonely, then I'm not the only one... hopefully the conclusion of this blog is enlightening for somebody else.

"1979 Dirty South, Local Lounge (Flip that smile upside down now!)
I never thought that alcohol could ease the notion of the sadness
Now what used to be a happy home done turned into some bad shit!
Graphic language, mild violence and the silence of the the fams!
No members to remember, but I know just who I am
I've grown into a man and like my nigga said we executed the game plan
'Cause we got that Hot Sauce!!!!"
-Verse Three

Alcohol, drugs, sex, bad attitudes, food... what haven't people tried to do in order to make them forget about their "unhappiness"? The saddest thing is that if you're like me, your unhappiness is a result of what's NOT there, so unless these vices make you believe that something IS there, then you'll still be unhappy.

Big Boi says at the end of the day he has his "hot sauce"... in this case my hot sauce would be myself. The one thing that will always be there for as long as I have "time" on this earth, is ME. My resolution for 2009 is to be happier with who I am. I feel that often times I neglect who I am, because i would rather others define who I am... It used to make me proud to say that I mattered to "X" number of people or that "such and such" thought highly of me... but when "X" and "such and such" were no longer there to validate who I was, it was up to me to prove it to myself. I'm coming off of a semester that is simultaneously the largest turning point of my life, and a heavy dose of the truth of my fallibility. I was too inadequate to validate myself... if there is anybody who knows me and should be able to say something positive about who I am, it should've been me... but most people don't believe me when I tell them I actually do have self-esteem issues.

I guess what I've learned in one day is that I actually do need to consider myself and my thoughts more. As confident as I am in my own thought, I know that I'm biased and thus I can't justify my own worth to the world, the world has to do that for me... But today, I think I realize that being one in 6 Billion means that you're not going to be everything to the world, but you can still be all that you can be. I just need to tell myself what that is, as opposed to letting the world define what I am... I think I'm a bit more free today just because I see that. I've found a new perspective that for the moment can't be taken from me... My worth IS there, because I see it and I say so... and for that... I am happy.

Happy New Years and God Bless...

The Consideration of Time

So.... I've been writing this blog now for a minute... now I'm placing up old posts, and some people are telling me that I have too much time on my hands…which I don't believe to be possible... how can one ever have too much time?

time (noun)
1.the system of those sequential relations that any event has to any other, as past, present, or future; indefinite and continuous duration regarded as that in which events succeed one another.
2.a limited period or interval, as between two successive events
3.the right occasion or opportunity

There are 64 entries for a definition of “time” on dictionary.com; all of them consider time to be a finite concept. Many theorists believe “time” is finite, having a beginning (that hasn't been proven yet) and an end (which we continue to predict falsely). While many scientists continue to study the history of the world (the record of events over a period of time), and thus our historic calendar continues to prove that “time” goes back further than humans can measure or record, we are concurrently concerned about the “end of time.”

The use of human resources, technology, brain and brawn has been applied to study and preservation of “time.” Time is viewed as a resource that cannot be gained but can certainly be lost.Time is the most valuable resource man has… with certainty we know that once we have no more “time” our lives are up. This is a result of our egocentrism… we can only measure time for as long as we live, and thus even though there is “time” before and after our existence, it is not a usable resource unless it is “time” that you own.

Because everybody has a limited time to live, we attempt to make the most meaningful use of our time.Thus when giving time to something/somebody, you are sacrificing a resource, a portion of your existence, and ultimately your consideration.

Time is one of the most sensitive types of consideration to give… honesty, trust, faith: all of these are considerations that are replenished over time and can be given without fear that the supply will run scarce.However, without time these considerations cannot be restocked.

For example, let’s say you put trust in a friend… the friend betrays you… over time you learn to trust again and you offer that consideration to the next deserving person.But what if you didn’t have any time to give? What if the “limited interval” in which you were betrayed was the last of your entire “limited interval”?

We are born into this world… and by fate we are granted a specific amount of time to live.The issue is we don’t know how long we have.I may have 65 years to use, or I may only have 23 years. Essentially, the next day (or the next second) is not promised to us.Thus time should be considered our most scarce resource and form of consideration because we never know how much time we have left.

This leads me to the point of today’s thought.If time is scarce, how is it that we can ever have “too much time on our hands”? We live lives of performative contradiction when we recognize our existence is temporary yet we carry on as if we have transcended “time”… as if we can’t die today.With all of the goals and ambitions we create for ourselves, how many of them can be reach or attained today? Not many… yet we have still been able to justify bumming it, procrastinating, and simply wasting our time.

This is just another example of our lack of embracing our egocentrism and also proof that we are dishonest with ourselves.Don’t lie and say you have time tomorrow. Don’t omit and forget you could die today. Don’t euphemize and sugarcoat your acceptance of your unpredictable and ultimately untimely fate.

Be considerate to yourself and be honest: we are born to die. Everything else we do has a high probability of being meaningless to the rest of the world. BUT… if it matters to you, whatever “it” may be, then show it the consideration you think it deserves and give it your time.Otherwise, once you do consider yourself, you’ll regret how much time/consideration you have wasted.

Hopefully this blog isn’t a waste of mine...

Egocentrism and Honesty

After talking with a few friends, I’ve decided to conclude my “consideration/honesty” series by discussing the assertions that we make concerning the two subjects.

In the framework of this discussion (based on the way I’ve defined the terms), it is easy to conclude that hypothetically everybody is “dishonest” at some point or another.If you’re a pessimist/realist like me, or you are a fan of the TV Show “House”, then you might even go as far as to say Everybody Lies.

Seeing that Liars lack full consideration for others, we see that they are selfish individuals.This assertion is only half-way true, for while liars are not fully considering others, they may be lying to protect someone or maybe their feelings.To analyze this further, it is important to define what it means to be selfish.

self⋅ish – adjective

1.devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

A selfish individual cares ONLY for themselves.The only reason a selfish liar has to consider others is to increase their own individual gain.An example would be the person who falsely declares love for another, making that person feel better, only to use it to their advantage later. Selfish lies are the most common type of lie and thus the most intolerable. Nobody likes to be taken advantage of, especially if it’s against their knowledge or will.

This is evidence to the fact that liars are selfish. However, as a caveat, I believe that there is a better term to describe the “less harmful” liars…

e⋅go⋅cen⋅tric – adjective

1.having or regarding the self or the individual as the center of all things: an egocentric philosophy that ignores social causes

Now let me clarify… being egocentric is NOT the same as being selfish, but the two are not mutually exclusive. To be egocentric means to start your logical deductions with an evaluation of how it affects yourself. This human characteristic is the reason why mankind believed the universe rotated around Earth, the reason why the Crusades and other religious wars happen, and the reason why America has blindly allowed our nation to continue fighting unjustified wars.Egocentrism is a result of self-preservation.We believe things will have an effect on us (or things important to us, i.e. religion, relationships, security), to the point that we may even lie to justify what we’ll do to preserve ourselves or those things. However, egocentrism is not the same as being selfish because it still allows for the consideration of others.

We do everything because we are egocentric.You wake up, brush your teeth, go to class/work, interact with others, eat, sleep, and think the way you do because of the way these actions affects you. Egocentrism is an evolutionary trait of Darwin’s “Survival of the Fittest”… we think about how our actions will best suit us and those that we have influence on. Because of this, we always have intentions before an action, and sometimes those intentions are hidden (via omission)… because if everybody knew why you do what you did, then they’d do it too and it would be less beneficial to you… this is where egocentrism and selfishness meet; there is obviously a thin line between the two.

What this means for Tony… I’ve been reflecting about whom I am and the events that have made me who I am today.It’s funny how your life is always defined by other people rather than what you’ve done for yourself… regardless of how egocentric you are.

I’ve grown to be the pessimistic yet enlightened, distrusting yet trustworthy, and proud yet humble individual I am because others have molded me.I have watched the world turn and I realize that “Life” is just a progression of ego’s trading benefits.In some cases they share the benefits, in other times, it is usurped.

I remember times when I was so deep in love that I would drive great distances, break my bank, and make decisions that seemed increasingly illogical.At the end of the day, I hoped it would’ve been worth it for me, until I realized that my considerations were not being reciprocated.I’ve had the truth hidden from me, disguised by nice words, and I’ve been told stories that wanted to resemble the truth, but they were lies.I’ve been told that “maybe it will work out later” when later on I find that she really meant “maybe it’ll work out next lifetime.” I’ve been told “It’s not you, it’s me” when she meant “It’s not you, it’s me… and him.” I’ve been lead into situations thinking I would have input only to find that I’m a spectator who’s paying double the price for admission. I was naïve to believe it all along, until I tried dishonesty for myself.

Wow… did my life change… Wow… did I gain control… Wow… how I don’t regret it…

The issue now is that in my reflection, I’m remembering those sour feelings of self-loathing and pity that I had.I remember the depressions I fell into because I was in a world where I might’ve been considered popular, but wasn’t considered by those who mattered and thus I was alone. I remember the pain of being a sensitive and emotional person, and the relief that never came until I embraced my egocentrism.

I guess looking back, I still don’t’ regret any of my choices, but I do realize that I could’ve been more than egocentric… I was selfish… I could’ve been the root of those negative feelings for somebody else… and I didn’t care.It only mattered if it helped me and only me… This didn’t work for me long, because I began to isolate myself and was once again alone.

If you see me now, compared to last year, or better yet 3 years ago, I’m much more reserved.I tend to stand by myself even in the presence of multitudes.I tend to think by myself in the presence of the mob. I tend to avoid interaction at the expense of my own happiness so that I don’t do to someone else what was done to me… be inconsiderate.

In the end I guess I’m not considering myself… which is even worse because that means I’ve been dishonest with myself about what it is that I want… geez, that’s why I haven’t been happy… The lie, the omission, the euphemism… I used them all on myself. Being honest with myself has been the most trying experience because the honesty you’ll give yourself is harsher than that you’d receive from your worst enemy. However, it has also been the most liberating experience because I’m finally able to obtain that which will make me happy.

Everybody is egocentric… this has never been the problem. It’s when we are selfish that we not only squander our resources and fortunes, but we prolly fuck them up for somebody else too… real talk. I’ve come to grips with the fact that I will always look after me first… I have to… nobody else plans to. But I think I’m at a point where I can no longer tolerate selfishness. Just because you and I and others are concerned with our own well being, it doesn’t mean that others have to suffer.

Consider yourself and what makes you happy… Try not to step on others’ toes (too much)… You’ll be happier in the long run… honestly.

Honesty's Gray Area

Amidst the daunting revelations about honesty are the conclusions that not only is honesty not the best policy/option, but it's NOT the only option. Here are a few more…

lie (noun, verb, lied, ly⋅ing. )
a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.

If there is anything related to consideration (or lack thereof) more annoying than a lie, it's a bad lie. Lying is a simple way to get past telling the truth by diverting the attention of your audience towards something that will distract them from finding the truth. In other words, people lie to get others to stop inquiring. Lying is usually done reactively rather than proactively. Liars are rarely proactive, because they’d find other ways around honesty if they were.

Let's talk about a sensitive issue that people lie and tell the truth about everyday: Love... Everybody questions the validity/honesty of a statement regarding love, and rightly so. Love is probably the most lied on human action/emotion in the history of the world. People lie and say they are in love or they love somebody because they want barriers to be broken... they want access to the person (or something they have...) and they think Love is the only way to get to it. The best thing about this alternative is that it can yield very fast short-term results. The worst effect of lying occurs when the liar attempts to continue living by their falsehoods. I guess what bothers me most (as a person who is easy to trust others), is the fact that some are willing to violate others' trust and view it as not so much of a big deal. I'm guessing the reason why is because liars don't respect others or their trust. Liars are very selfish people... I'm not judging, just calling a spade a spade. Liars do not consider others, their choices are made to only benefit them, right?

Ray-J once said, "All I know is I'd be hurting you, if I told you the truth, that's why I lie..." I don't like the premise of this statement, but I do understand it. I know I've been pressured into either declaring love for somebody or losing them as a friend before. I lied because I didn't want to lose them or have them being upset... the only reason I attempted to justify the lie is because I hoped to grow to love that person. Too bad that didn't work out. How often do we feel it's necessary to lie just so that we don't hurt somebody? How often do they end up hurt anyway? I guess it's why I've always tried to shy away from falsehoods, and instead have employed the use of the...

omission (noun)
1. any process whereby sounds or words are left out of spoken words or phrases
2. neglecting to do something; leaving out or passing over something

Omission works… it’s less brutal than honesty and it’s more honest than lying. You can offer as much truth as you would like and leave out the parts that you are not ready to admit yet. Omission works more proactively than lying because you can divert your audience away from certain questions by providing portions of the truth. The problem with omission occurs when a direct question is asked.Lying is able to dodge the question where omissions cannot; so if someone asked you “Do you love me?” and the answer is truly “NO”, you must either lie or tell the truth right?... maybe… there are degrees of truth just as there are degrees of honesty.

eu⋅phe⋅mism–noun
1. the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt.

The euphemism is the most cunning use of language… it provides an acceptable degree of honesty while allowing you to omit certain facts and avoid lying. It is the most proactive form of subtle dishonesty because what you say is taken as the whole truth… it’s all in the delivery… people accept euphemisms because they’re pretty (this follows the decoration definition of honesty). In reference to love, euphemisms allow people to say things like “I care for you” or “you really matter to me” or “I have strong feelings for you, but I’m not sure what to call them yet”. These statements are not lies, but they sound nearly as nice as “I love you” when they’re really saying “I don’t…”

I guess after looking at these options, I understand another reason why people want honesty… because it’s hard to obtain, and furthermore it’s hard to accept.We look for the type of honesty that makes us smile, but in turn we usually find the kind that makes us frown. As people we detect this in others, and thus we lessen the degrees of honesty in order to change the effect.The Euphemism is a prime weapon of discord among those looking for “the truth”… because the deliver of a euphemism means that someone thinks you cannot handle the truth. The fact that people would like to hear things phrased nicely rather than bluntly is proof that it’s not the truth they seek… it’s the comfort of the truth.

So where does that leave us when the truth bares no comfort?Is there a nice way to tell somebody from Dallas that the Cowboys truly suck? Is there a nice way to tell somebody that a love one has just died? Is there a positive way to tell somebody who loves you that you can’t reciprocate?

The truth is often confused for the consideration that people seek, when in fact it’s a desirable delivery of the truth that people seek… Well if it’s just the delivery that matters, then does the content of the message matter as much? If I lie nicely, and offer truth abrasively, which would be considered more acceptable? I’d venture at this point to say that since we can never grasp the full concept of “the truth”, gaining a new fraction of it creates only an infinitesimally small amount of change. Our minds aren’t automatically equipped to recognize long-term benefit… we look at the short-term gain first.Comfort will always trump truth, comfort matters now… truth matters when you can use it (usually later on).

Over time, I have learned to put stock into long-term benefits because the short-term is over so quickly… I guess I’m thankful that I’m that wise.However, I’ve had to harden my heart to the harshness of truth in order to accept it.There are times when I wonder if I’d be happier had I been given a lie, omission, or euphemism… the answer is yes… but I guess we don’t always live to be happy.

Next time... I'll define less, and discuss more... thanks for reading, I assure you I'm going to make a larger point.

Let's be honest about honesty...

One of the most widely accepted tenders of consideration is honesty. Why?

hon·es·tyn. pl. hon·es·ties

1. The quality or condition of being honest; integrity.

2. Truthfulness; sincerity: in all honesty.

3. Archaic Chastity.

4. A plant with flattened silvery pods which are used for indoor decoration

Let's dissect these definitions...

in·teg·ri·ty n.

1. Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.
2. The state of being unimpaired; soundness.
3. The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness

We enjoy Honesty because it implies that we are being involved in the entirety of situation. Nobody likes to be left out... especially when the situation concerns or affects them. Being considered via honesty allows a person to feel as if they are a part of the whole, and assuming that the honesty is the full truth, that they are involved with wholesome individuals.

sin·cer·i·ty n.

The quality or condition of being sincere; genuineness, honesty, and freedom from duplicity

Honesty implies a freedom from a life of duplicity and thus confusion and deceit. We are comfortable accepting that there should be standards and morals. As a result we are comfortable with expecting that everybody live by them so that life could occur in a linear fashion; it's easy to polarize our opinions about the world and the people in it when we have a true and honest
standard for them. It also makes it easier for us to judge people... tsk, tsk.

chas·ti·ty n.

1. The condition or quality of being pure or chaste.

Honesty is seen as a positive thing... it means that the person being honest is less tainted and thus more acceptable than the next person...
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I'm partial to the last definition: Decoration... people like honesty because it looks pretty.

Think about the premise of honesty. Honesty is the publication or distribution of thoughts, and concepts that are understood to be true. The fact that this honesty is offered is enough to qualify it as acceptable, because consideration is not always given. THIS IS WRONG... how many times have you accepted what was told to you as the truth to find out it was not so close to it? or better yet, only a portion of it?

Fact omission happens accidentally and intentionally... a friend may tell you "I want to go out tonight," but what they mean to say is "I want to go out tonight with Tony" (*snicker*)... Did they lie to you? no... but because they didn't offer the whole truth, were they honest? Not by the first definition at least because the statement lacked integrity. Furthermore, since the two statements are NOT mutually exclusive (meaning they could or couldn't happen simultaneously), they are succeptible to duplicity (illustrating separate ideas simultaneously), thus the idea of this seemingly "honest" statement isn't pure, complete, or free from possible distortion.

It doesn't make the statement a lie, but it does make it less "honest". ONLY full disclosure of the truth can be viewed as true honesty which brings me to the following conclusion... Honesty is NOT always the best policy.

True, unrelenting, and brutal honesty has the ability to empower, encourage, and change peoples' thinking relative to the truths that they have just endured. Conversely, if these truths were not expected and desired they can also destroy, diminish, and distract from the fact that honesty was considered in the first place.

If I were a truly honest man, meaning I omitted nothing, I would be considered much more of an asshole today than I currently am. I'd also be viewed as cynical, pompus, overbearing, insensitive (to others), sensitive (as a person), overcritical, and basically I would be rendered undesirable company to keep. For me, honesty is not the best policy because there is too much negativity attached to the thoughts that would be honestly conveyed.

So if this is the case with others (which it is, because on top of omission, people lie), why is honesty considered to be the best alternative? I think it's because people believe they make better choices in light of knowing the truth and what me occur as a result of their choices. (Ignorance being/acting bliss...) This also means that they are prepared to be accountable for the new knowledge they acquire via honesty, even if it's information that will hurt their feelings, restrict their choices, and possibly diminish their confidence... the truth hurts. Do people really prefer this option?

Personally I can say I don't like being lied to, but I can understand why people do not tell you what they are thinking (why they are not honest). In the history of the world, being honest has been detrimental far more than it has been helpful. This is due in part to the fact that we all make bad decisions that we don't care to rehash in conversation... If we could all be flawless, we wouldn't have problems with telling the truth... but we are not.

The truth is a reminder of our weaknesses, vices, and flaws. It is the evidence of the inadequacies we care not to share because it causes us to look like weaker/less-composed
individuals.

So I guess the real question for us all (author and reader alike) to answer is: Is honesty a trait of a strong individual, or does that depend on what truths are shared?

I say... no and yes. Thus the application of the fourth definiton... Honesty is a trait we falsely adorn in order to decorate our character. It leaves me to ask, how honest can honesty be before it's no longer a good thing?

More next time...

To consider or not to consider... that is the "?"

*******THIS IS AN IMPORT FROM MY OLD BLOG, I THINK IT'S RELEVANT TO THE OTHER DISCUSSIONS I'M HAVING SO I'LL BE POSTING MY ENTIRE SERIES ON "CONSIDERATION" FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE.*******

After becoming a member of a Fraternity, serving as President of a large organization, serving on student government, meeting with a very influential policy maker on a frequent basis, and nearly failing out of college, I’ve realized an abundance of truths. The first of which I have already known, but it had to be relearned: The world and everybody in it owe you nothing for your existence.

And not that they should… they didn’t request to be here,just as you and I haven’t, so why should you expect them to consider you? That type of generosity would demand to much of a world that populates over 6Billion… Thus consideration must be something that applies to respect of person.

Consideration (n.)

1. thoughtful or sympathetic regard or respect; thoughtfulness for others.
2. a thought or reflection; an opinion based upon reflection.
3. a recompense or payment, as for work done; compensation.

When consideration is asked for, what are we really requesting?

Thoughtfulness – “I think, therefore I am.” – Rene Descartes

When asking somebody to think of you, you’re asking them to base their existence upon yours. This is a heavy request. Think about me, a friend or a stranger, asking you to consider my feelings before making a decision. This would mean that you deny yourself, and instead think from my perspective (to think like me)… but if you were to think like me, wouldn’t you then be me? Not literally, however if you spend your time considering/being me,then you wouldn’t be spending much time considering/being yourself. As I said, this is considered generous because there’s no guarantee of return consideration.

Reflection – “In sum, thought and reflection have been rendered thoroughly pointless by the circumstances in which modern men and women live and act.”– Jacques Ellul

Why would this need to be said? …Probably because most men and women in the world have realized the futility of considering others with no reward in sight. The world has rendered itself to be a pool of egocentrism – every individual is out for themselves… but this doesn’t stop them from receiving the consideration of others, just from offering it. I guess in this sense, reflection (thought) doesn’t produce a reflection (mirror image or action) at all. Why?

Compensation –no quote needed here, it’s plain and simple. The current state of the economy has proven one thing about the nature of individualistic humanity; we are cheap. We would rather not pay for that which we don’t feel deserves it, and since we’d rather have everything for free, we don’t want to pay for much. Consideration doesn’t have a value comparison with dollars, pounds, or gold; it is essentially priceless, yet obviously not worthless. The reason why is because payment of consideration requires thought, and thus a fraction of existence. It is a hard thing to give when you’re not sure how much of your self/existence you have to give. I guess it would be something to count how much consideration you have received from others as it would attest to how much others view your worth, but if you evaluate that now-a-days, you might just end up depressing yourself.

What does this mean? I have remembered exactly why the world owes me nothing… it’s because I owe it nothing. Thus when I make personal choices to contribute to the world, and those in it, I won’t receive a reward; it is only regarded as a charitable contribution. Nobody viewsthe actions of others as a reason to pay it forward, to apply personal thought,to reflect the thought or action, or to repay others for their considerations. Things are simply done for naught… unless of course the compensation is discussed upfront. I guess that should be my policy from now on... since it's evident that the rest of the world is inconsiderate.