Honesty's Gray Area

Amidst the daunting revelations about honesty are the conclusions that not only is honesty not the best policy/option, but it's NOT the only option. Here are a few more…

lie (noun, verb, lied, ly⋅ing. )
a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.

If there is anything related to consideration (or lack thereof) more annoying than a lie, it's a bad lie. Lying is a simple way to get past telling the truth by diverting the attention of your audience towards something that will distract them from finding the truth. In other words, people lie to get others to stop inquiring. Lying is usually done reactively rather than proactively. Liars are rarely proactive, because they’d find other ways around honesty if they were.

Let's talk about a sensitive issue that people lie and tell the truth about everyday: Love... Everybody questions the validity/honesty of a statement regarding love, and rightly so. Love is probably the most lied on human action/emotion in the history of the world. People lie and say they are in love or they love somebody because they want barriers to be broken... they want access to the person (or something they have...) and they think Love is the only way to get to it. The best thing about this alternative is that it can yield very fast short-term results. The worst effect of lying occurs when the liar attempts to continue living by their falsehoods. I guess what bothers me most (as a person who is easy to trust others), is the fact that some are willing to violate others' trust and view it as not so much of a big deal. I'm guessing the reason why is because liars don't respect others or their trust. Liars are very selfish people... I'm not judging, just calling a spade a spade. Liars do not consider others, their choices are made to only benefit them, right?

Ray-J once said, "All I know is I'd be hurting you, if I told you the truth, that's why I lie..." I don't like the premise of this statement, but I do understand it. I know I've been pressured into either declaring love for somebody or losing them as a friend before. I lied because I didn't want to lose them or have them being upset... the only reason I attempted to justify the lie is because I hoped to grow to love that person. Too bad that didn't work out. How often do we feel it's necessary to lie just so that we don't hurt somebody? How often do they end up hurt anyway? I guess it's why I've always tried to shy away from falsehoods, and instead have employed the use of the...

omission (noun)
1. any process whereby sounds or words are left out of spoken words or phrases
2. neglecting to do something; leaving out or passing over something

Omission works… it’s less brutal than honesty and it’s more honest than lying. You can offer as much truth as you would like and leave out the parts that you are not ready to admit yet. Omission works more proactively than lying because you can divert your audience away from certain questions by providing portions of the truth. The problem with omission occurs when a direct question is asked.Lying is able to dodge the question where omissions cannot; so if someone asked you “Do you love me?” and the answer is truly “NO”, you must either lie or tell the truth right?... maybe… there are degrees of truth just as there are degrees of honesty.

eu⋅phe⋅mism–noun
1. the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt.

The euphemism is the most cunning use of language… it provides an acceptable degree of honesty while allowing you to omit certain facts and avoid lying. It is the most proactive form of subtle dishonesty because what you say is taken as the whole truth… it’s all in the delivery… people accept euphemisms because they’re pretty (this follows the decoration definition of honesty). In reference to love, euphemisms allow people to say things like “I care for you” or “you really matter to me” or “I have strong feelings for you, but I’m not sure what to call them yet”. These statements are not lies, but they sound nearly as nice as “I love you” when they’re really saying “I don’t…”

I guess after looking at these options, I understand another reason why people want honesty… because it’s hard to obtain, and furthermore it’s hard to accept.We look for the type of honesty that makes us smile, but in turn we usually find the kind that makes us frown. As people we detect this in others, and thus we lessen the degrees of honesty in order to change the effect.The Euphemism is a prime weapon of discord among those looking for “the truth”… because the deliver of a euphemism means that someone thinks you cannot handle the truth. The fact that people would like to hear things phrased nicely rather than bluntly is proof that it’s not the truth they seek… it’s the comfort of the truth.

So where does that leave us when the truth bares no comfort?Is there a nice way to tell somebody from Dallas that the Cowboys truly suck? Is there a nice way to tell somebody that a love one has just died? Is there a positive way to tell somebody who loves you that you can’t reciprocate?

The truth is often confused for the consideration that people seek, when in fact it’s a desirable delivery of the truth that people seek… Well if it’s just the delivery that matters, then does the content of the message matter as much? If I lie nicely, and offer truth abrasively, which would be considered more acceptable? I’d venture at this point to say that since we can never grasp the full concept of “the truth”, gaining a new fraction of it creates only an infinitesimally small amount of change. Our minds aren’t automatically equipped to recognize long-term benefit… we look at the short-term gain first.Comfort will always trump truth, comfort matters now… truth matters when you can use it (usually later on).

Over time, I have learned to put stock into long-term benefits because the short-term is over so quickly… I guess I’m thankful that I’m that wise.However, I’ve had to harden my heart to the harshness of truth in order to accept it.There are times when I wonder if I’d be happier had I been given a lie, omission, or euphemism… the answer is yes… but I guess we don’t always live to be happy.

Next time... I'll define less, and discuss more... thanks for reading, I assure you I'm going to make a larger point.